Project Petrolhead

I wrote last week about two of Germany’s greatest tuners while lamenting the corporatisation of another in AMG, all while forgetting… Sorry… Saving for a follow-up, that another Mercedes-based tuner was making waves in the early 00s. Now best known for constructing carbon-fibre carbuncles destined for the Emirates, Brabus were once known as a builder of subtly insane road cars, so powerful that they were borderline undrivable. Founded in 1977, they specialised in pumping up the power of existing Mercedes engines and swapping them into cars they were never designed for.

As an example of the former, take one of their best-known cars. In 2002, Brabus partnered with Smart to produce a tuned version of the Smart Roadster. A feather-light 790kg kerb weight meant that you didn’t have to do much to turn the little Smart into a bit of a pocket rocket, and with new suspension to improve the handling and a tuning kit to beef up the dinky 80 horsepower engine to a more healthy 99 horsepower, the Brabus roadster was transformed from a stylish fashion accessory to a genuinely fun sports car for anyone who enjoyed driving. Just ask Gordon Murray who, some twenty years later, still commutes to work in his!

“But Tom,” I hear you cry, “you promised us mad cars, a Smart Roadster hardly qualifies.” Alright then, how’s this. In 2006, Brabus got hold of a Mercedes CLS55 AMG. Already a very fast car with a 470 horsepower supercharged V8 nestled under its shapely bonnet, the CLS55 became a donor car for one of the maddest projects this side of Apollo 11. The aptly named “Rocket”.

The first thing Brabus saw fit to do was throw the V8 in the bin, and crowbar in the 500 horsepower 5.5 litre V12 from the SL600, one of the fastest Mercedes you could buy. Quick enough then? Not by a long shot. Next on the docket was boring the engine out to 6.3 litres, massively increasing power to over 600 horsepower. That must be plenty, right? Just ask anyone who’s driven an early 00s AMG, those things struggle to put down far less power than that. Well, no. Drunk on power (or possibly other things), Brabus then fitted bigger turbochargers, forged pistons and a beefier crankshaft. The result? 740 horsepower and 1000 lb-ft of torque. Well, until the gearbox exploded, so the torque figure was electronically limited to “just” 811 lb-ft. In 2006, that meant that a four-door saloon car had more power than the majority of the world’s most exotic supercars. Ford GT, Lamborghini Murcielago, Ferrari Enzo, Pagani Zonda S, even Mercedes own McLaren SLR, all of them left the factory with less power than the mighty CLS Rocket, and with a 227mph top speed, it certainly had the bite to match the bark.

Naturally, there’s only one place on earth where a car like that makes any semblance of sense, Germany’s network of derestricted Autobahns. Do you know who else thought so? The German government. It turns out, policing a stretch of road where everybody from commuters to criminals is doing 120mph is quite difficult, with the main issue just being catching up to them in the first place. The solution? Easy! Ring up Brabus, bung on a light-bar and a livery and you have your very own 220mph pursuit vehicle. At a time when the BMW M5 had just 501 horsepower, there’s no way in hell you’re outrunning that thing.

So what are Brabus up to these days? Blinging up G-Wagens mostly. Every now and again they trot out a new car with the “Rocket” nameplate, but they just seem to be a bit less manic than before, using essentially the same engine as the original, but nestled in the much bigger, heavier S-Class rather than the svelte original CLS. And the worst part? The current Brabus Rocket (known as the 900, bet you can’t guess why) ditches the V12 in favour of a tuned-up version of AMG’s 4.0 litre V8. Even the lunatics have gone all eco-conscious!