Project Petrolhead

As a (ahem) larger chap, the appeal of the Mazda MX-5 is somewhat lessened for me. I find myself sitting more on it that in it and, as my head doesn’t quite dip below the top of the windscreen, I arrive at my destination with the sort of windswept and interesting look that any 80s rockstar would be jealous of. But I’m not giving up on this stylish budget roadster, so I’ve enlisted the help of Mr Peter Ian Staker, a devoted MX-5 enthusiast, to guide me through the world of Japanese sports cars and explain why, in his words, the MX-5 is the “greatest sports car of all time”.

So you own a Mazda MX-5 then?

Of course. Why would anyone go through life choosing not to buy the best sports car on the market?

Yours is an NC Generation car. What do you say to the people who claim that the NC is the worst generation of MX-5?

Utter rubbish. The NC is clearly the best MX-5, it’s the most usable and has way more power than the old ones. I don’t care what anyone says, it’s got nothing to do with the fact that they’re the cheapest ones. The so-called “worst” MX-5 is still better than 99.9% of other cars.

Ok, what do you like most about it?

The handling. Because it’s so light, it really is like driving a Go-kart.

Have you ever driven a Go-kart?

No, but I imagine it’s a lot like an MX-5.

And the gearbox?

It’s like using the bolt-action on a sniper rifle. I wouldn’t expect you to understand because you drive an automatic and therefore, I dislike you.

Sounds like you put a lot of time and effort into keeping that car in good condition.

Yeah, mine was a pretty clean example, so I only had to weld up a little bit of bodywork. Just the sills and wheel arches, nothing major. Oh, and I’ve fitted a new exhaust to make sound even better than it already did.

Any other mods?

Well, the obvious coilovers, anti-roll bars, sticky tyres and brakes. Oh, and RX-7 wheels. Only a few bits here and there, you can’t improve on perfection, of course. If I had the money though, I’d love to drop in one of Mazda’s 2.5 litre engines and then it’s only a couple of grand to get it track ready.

So, your perfect sports car… Sounds like you’ve replaced most of it, is that fair?

I’m not sure I like your tone.

I’m sorry, is there a problem?

You’re an absolute disgrace. How can you possibly question the greatness of the MX-5? You’ll never understand how CONNECTED they feel to drive! You Fool! You absolute cretin! Don’t you know they’ve sold millions of them, MILLIONS I SAY! This interview is over…

Can I have a jump start?