Project Petrolhead

As somebody that spends a not insignificant amount of time at work wishing that I wasn’t at work, I often think about what I would do if I ever won the Lottery. Obviously, with the odds of winning the jackpot working out at approximately 1 in 45 million, this is about as likely as me spending a romantic evening with Scarlett Johansson, but, last time I checked, I’m allowed to dream.

Naturally, a good chunk of the winnings would go on buying a house (ideally one with a big driveway or a double garage) but the remainder would, of course, be spent on cars. As with most self-respecting petrolheads, I have spent more time than I would care to admit filling a fantasy 3-car garage, to the point where I have two of them, one for a small win (around half a million pounds) and one for a big one (Just over a million).

Firstly, any good 3-Car Garage needs a daily driver. A car that doesn’t mind piling on the miles and would work in all weathers. As a big fan of niche, German performance cars, I can cover this quite easily. For the big spender, it would be the Alpina B3 GT Estate. The even faster version of the fast version of the estate version of BMW’s small saloon car. Four-wheel drive, a silky smooth bi-turbo straight six and a boot big enough for even the most aggressive post-Christmas tip run.

For the smaller budget, it would be the high-performance version of the estate version of the coupe version of Mercedes venerable E-Class saloon; the (deep breath now) Mercedes-Benz CLS 63 AMG Shooting Brake. Arguably one of the best-looking cars you’ll ever see in normal day-to-day traffic, the CLS wagon blends estate practicality with swoopy coupe styling, before AMG then chucks in a whopping 5.5 litre twin-turbo V8 for good measure. Wunderbar!

The second car is a bit of a weird one, because it’s the same car regardless of budget. One of the most formative pieces of car journalism I was ever exposed to as a youngster was a group-test in EVO magazine between the 997 Porsche GT3, the original Audi R8 V10, the C6 Corvette ZR1 and the car that takes this spot; the Aston Martin V12 Vantage. Whoever it was on Aston’s design team that piped up and said “You know what we should do? Wedge our biggest, most powerful engine into our smallest, lightest car!” deserves a knighthood. The Vantage was already their best-handling car and garnishing that with the 517bhp 6.0 litre V12 from the flagship DBS was a stroke of genius. The only thing that changes when you graduate from one price-bracket to another is the specification. Early V12 Vantages can still be had for £50,000-£70,000 and would still be fantastic to own, but in 2014, Aston Martin unveiled the V12 Vantage S, featuring revised suspension, the uprated engine from the contemporary Vanquish (565bhp plays 517bhp) and, for the first time, a paddle-shift gearbox. Derision toward this gearbox has seemed to mellow with time, but having driven a V8 Vantage with it fitted, I would have to have the 7-Speed Manual that was introduced in 2017, as I prefer my gears stirred, not shaken.

Finally, I would like a car that is, quite simply, too fast. A car that re-writes your understanding of speed. A car who’s throttle pedal will, when pressed, dump adrenaline directly into your bloodstream. For Mr. Cheapskate, we have the Ferrari F12 Berlinetta. A 6.3 litre V12 partially shared with the LaFerrari hypercar shoe-horned into a chassis that is smaller and lighter than the 599 that it replaced. There are many sources for this car’s inherent madness. Possibly my favourite is a video posted to the /DRIVE YouTube channel by one Chris Harris, that features a lap of the Anglesey circuit with every single corner taken sideways.

For the man with a bit more cheddar to spend, it would have to be the Noble M600. Described by many (including Noble themselves) as the modern-day interpretation of the legendary Ferrari F40, the M600 features a Yamaha designed twin-turbo V8 producing 650bhp (with tuners boosting the output to around 750bhp) and… well, not much else really. The Noble is defined more by what’s not included than what is. There is no ABS, No twin-clutch flappy-paddle gearbox, no multi-stage adaptive traction control (just a simple toggle for TC on and TC off) and no airbags. The result of which is a 225mph supercar with a kerb weight of just 1250kg, or to put it another way, 200 kilos lighter than the featherweight Lotus Emira. Blimey. Does anyone know the winning numbers for this weeks draw?